Morton's Steak House
I recently dined at Morton's, one of the finest steakhouses in Hollywood. It was a gift to my sister for housing me during the two months where I struggled to find a place to live. My sister and I dressed up in our finest, Alison in some designer black dress and me with an orange button down shirt and black tie. We walked in without reservations and got a seat in the middle of the restaurant.
Our waiter arrived pushing a cart with lobster, steak, crab and other fine dining cuisine. Then, after he told us the specials, he leaned in close and whispered, "You see that blond woman in the back? That's Jessica Simpson." The waiter said it in such a way as to be both impressed with himself and sexually hungry. Loosely translated, "Did you know CELEBRITIES come here? Yes, CELEBRITIES. I would definitely like to ride the skin bus to tuna town with that one." I agreed and ordered the cheapest thing I could find on the menu. I believe it was glorified macaroni and cheese, costing no less than twenty dollars.
Alison and I, not wanting to be outdone by CELEBRITIES, enjoyed ourselves immensely by making fun of each other, making fun of other people, and telling silly stories about nothing. Boisterous laughter ensued and we received more than a couple looks from the CELEBRITY table.
After dinner I needed to relieve myself. I headed to the bathroom and happened to pass by Jessica Simpson's table. Not wanting to seem over eager I tried my hardest not to look, but on the way out I caught her eye and gave her a wink. I was too embarrassed to look back at her table after that and see her reaction, but hey, at least I can say, at that moment, that maybe I made Jessica Simpson feel a little something for the boy in an orange button down and black tie. Then we finished our meal and left.
Our waiter arrived pushing a cart with lobster, steak, crab and other fine dining cuisine. Then, after he told us the specials, he leaned in close and whispered, "You see that blond woman in the back? That's Jessica Simpson." The waiter said it in such a way as to be both impressed with himself and sexually hungry. Loosely translated, "Did you know CELEBRITIES come here? Yes, CELEBRITIES. I would definitely like to ride the skin bus to tuna town with that one." I agreed and ordered the cheapest thing I could find on the menu. I believe it was glorified macaroni and cheese, costing no less than twenty dollars.
Alison and I, not wanting to be outdone by CELEBRITIES, enjoyed ourselves immensely by making fun of each other, making fun of other people, and telling silly stories about nothing. Boisterous laughter ensued and we received more than a couple looks from the CELEBRITY table.
After dinner I needed to relieve myself. I headed to the bathroom and happened to pass by Jessica Simpson's table. Not wanting to seem over eager I tried my hardest not to look, but on the way out I caught her eye and gave her a wink. I was too embarrassed to look back at her table after that and see her reaction, but hey, at least I can say, at that moment, that maybe I made Jessica Simpson feel a little something for the boy in an orange button down and black tie. Then we finished our meal and left.
posted by Will at 2:16 PM
1 Comments:
i bet you didn't wink. i bet you twitched, like an involuntary muscle spasm of desire and anxiety due to the proximity of jessica simpson. and now you're trying to pass it off as a wink. well, either way, you got balls. i miss you mister.
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